Are you tired of wasting time and energy on people who don’t respect you?
Are you totally over waiting for someone to take responsibility for their actions?
Are you ready to block and delete that negativity from your phone, social media and your life?
I learned a long time ago that access to anyone is a privilege.
In a world of instant messaging and live video chats, we’re now able to communicate with most people, almost anywhere.
But instant message does not equate to instant reply, my friends. No.
This idea that people should drop everything to answer your call or respond to your message is absurd. The fact that people get upset when you don’t like their Facebook status or don’t watch their IG stories is just ridiculous.
I’m over it, and I’ve been over it for a few years.
Access to me is a privilege. You may know my name and the city that I reside, but that’s it. I am not Google, not everybody can reach me. And that’s exactly how I like it.
I encourage you to adopt this mindset because it will save you from a lot of unnecessary headache in life.
Years ago, when I was new on the creative scene as a published author, I gave everybody access to me. I responded to emails and messages late at night, I gave everybody my number and I made time for everybody. I’d meet up with people who were really only interested in “picking my brains” and feel compelled to prove my loyalty to everybody by interacting with everybody. I thought that to be likeable, because that was hugely important for me at that time, meant that I had to be accessible. I knew, and still know now, that I had a lot of love to give and it was my duty to share that with the people.
Only, the downside of this was that I lacked boundaries. I’d go all in with my energy and then retreat when it felt too much. People interpreted this as rejection or a sign of ill intent, and used this to project their insecurities onto me.
You see, my energy is so intense and wonderful, it makes people feel special when they have my attention. So when they suddenly don’t, they’d take it personally.
I understand now that when you live with anxiety, everything feels personal. This was not about me, but about them and their expectations of me. But back then, I didn’t get it. I thought my replies must be paying their bills for them to act in the way they did.
I spend a lot of time thinking, processing, analysing and reflecting, and it is exhausting. But there has been some value in diving deep into my thoughts, and that’s where my standards have come in.
There are different levels and reasons why you may block a person, but here’s a few of mine:
- Sending unsolicited dick photos or sexual messages. I had this from a male “friend” once and it triggered me. Blocked him, because he continued to send the messages despite me telling him to stop, and that was that. I’ve seen him in public a few times but block means block, so he is not allowed to talk to me. Next.
- Sending threatening and abusive messges. I feel like this is an obvious one, but the old me would get into a discussion with the other person. It is not worth your time, I promise you. No point complaining about clowns if you keep buying tickets for the circus. Admittedly, most people I’ve blocked for this are people I’m related to. A sibling, an aunt, people who are brave behind the keyboard but unwiling to have that conversation in real life. And sometimes it’s an ex, the narcissist, the co-parent who can’t hold back on their nastiness and their desire to control you. I’m above that, okay? I’ve moved on.
- Sending flirty messages while married. There’s a guy on Facebook that’s been doing this to me. Never met him. Not even on my friends list. I never even acknowledge his messages. But he is persistant with emojis and messages that feel a bit stalkerish. Thing is, I’m not single and I wouldn’t be interested if I was. He’s married to one of the mums from school and while I’m only on acquaintence terms with her, I know where they live and our children go to the same school. Come on, girl code! I’ve shared this information with a mutual friend who confirmed he has a history of messaging other women behind her back, but as the ones he sent to me aren’t that bad, she advised we don’t tell her. I blocked him anyway and life goes on.
- People who don’t like you but still watch you. This has happened a few times and I admit it bugs me. Because they may blank me in person and then watch my IG stories religiously. This one person doesn’t even follow me, but still finds time to tune into Annika Spalding every day. And I know because I have a good look at who watches my IG stories. I remember taking the whole of December off social media so I wasn’t posting every day and when I returned, the stalker was watching all of my stories again. They weren’t a follower, but had obviously been checking my page for updates. Part of me was like, just let them watch and grow green with envy. But then another part of me didn’t like it, didn’t feel comfortable at all. And so I blocked them because I use social media because I like to express myself and connect with people, and I didn’t want to overthink it.
There’s probably a lot more I can add to this, but this is what first came to mind. I know some people don’t like to resort to blocking, they find it difficult to cut people off and remove contact completely.
I’ve had my fair share of challenges when in communication with narcissists, toxic people and complete clowns, and I’ve struggled to create a blanket rule that feels appropriate.
Ultimately it comes down to this; if it makes you feel uncomfortable, on edge, anxious, on high alert, unsafe, threatened, at risk or disrespected, it has to go.
It is not your job to convince people you are worthy of respect.
It is not your job to teach people how to not threaten you.
It is not your job to make people like you.
Stop people-pleasing, please.
You do not owe anybody your content, your creativity or your social media content.
Access to anyone is a privilege, you hear? And it can be, and should be, revoked when someone crosses the line.
So, where is your line? What would make you block a person? Or are you against it?
I’d love to know your stories!
With love x