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annika_spalding

Creative Mentor & Writing Coach 🏆 Potty-mouthed Positive Pamela 👑 Room 204 Writer ✒

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It used to feel like a burden.

To feel everything so intensely. It was overwheming. It was way too much.

I coped by blocking it out and that worked for a long time.

But feeling nothing at all isn't much fun either.

The process of knocking down the walls and letting ancient pain roam through was a turning point in my life. It also didn't happen overnight, or after one counselling session or after journalling.

It was a process.

Self-love is more than surface level acts, but they are a good introduction.

In the beginning, self-love was treating myself to Barry M nail polish and painting my nails.

In the last year, self-love has been bringing the darkness into the light so I can be free of it.

I never used to cry as much as I cry now. It's amazing the tears come out now. I still battle with the worry that people will see that level of vulnerability as weakness, but I cry anyway.

I figure, if the worst thing I can do in life is show a little human emotion, then that is not bad at all.

I'm working away from the (my own) narrative that to feel so much, so intensely, is a curse.

Instead, I want to trust and believe that it is a gift.

Yesterday I gave a talk and was two sentences in when I began to cry. Couldn't hold it in. Couldn't hold it back. Could barely get the words out. Because I meant what I said. Because the message means so much to me.

I didn't get a chance to say, but sisterhood paved the way to where I am now.

Years ago, new in single mumhood and with two children under 4, I felt lost. A friend from nursery invited me around her house and showed me her bathroom. It had pink accessories and it was pretty. She showed me the quotes in her halfway and told me the plans for her kitchen. She said to me; "You will have all of this. It seems hard now but you buy one thing at a time. And you build a home you want to live in. One step at a time. You will get there." And I feel emosh typing that😭 even now and we are still good friends now and she told me that and I held onto it. I've taken a lot of baby steps and when the time came to give back, I gave the same words of wisdom to another Queen who needed to hear it. &That is the power of sisterhood

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Hello. I'm Annika. The human being. 🙋

I'm many things but mostly I'm tired.

I work as a Communications Officer for a charity, Monday to Thursday, finishing at 4/4.30.

Even though I live 5 minutes from work, I usually get home around 6pm. This is because after work I walk home (it's a 15 minute walk so really doesn't make sense to drive and pay for parking.) Then I drive back to Smethwick to pick my children up from our lovely childminder and drive back home to Walsall. We usually get stuck in traffic. By the time we get in, the three of us are fed up, hungry and tired.

On a good day, dinner has been cooking in a slow cooker or I warm up dinner made the night before. But usually I cook a meal as fast as I can before my children eat their weight in biscuits. 😂

Then it's time for chores, homework or chill, depending on what's allocated for the day (we have a schedule). I try and make time to hear them read, talk about school and have some cuddles. After shower and bedtime, my girls still find excuses to come downstairs for up to two hours after bedtime. 🙄

Then I have my dinner, if I haven't already, scowl at the dirty dishes by the sink and have an uninterrupted cup of tea.☕ I rarely watch TV in the evenings, instead I take my laptop to bed and try and do whichever task I've allocated for myself that evening, in terms of business and creativity. Sometimes I have a Skype session with clients. I reply to messages on my business phone. I send emails. I update my calendar.

Then I light a few candles and either journal or scroll through my IG until I fall asleep (pass out from exhaustion). Friday is my day off but I have business meetings, undertake research for a project, catch up with friends, do a quick food shop and try do a bit of my own stuff, all in time to pick up my girls from school (the one day I get to do it) at 3.20pm.

I co-parent, so I get a bit of a break at some point each weekend, but my time is filled with other commitments, housework and working on my business.

I can't respond straight away to messages on my personal phone because I don't always have the mental capicity to do it.

I am just one person doing a lot of things.
Be patient.

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It's really good to talk... and even better to be heard ❤

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Annika Spalding

1 day ago

*** 98 PEOPLE SIGNED UP SO FAR ***

And that's because December Detox is (almost) back...

Which means: - 30 days for you to sign up
- 30 days of #decemberdetox promo
- 30 days for you to decide if you're even doing this
- 30 days for you to scroll aimlessly - 30 days for you to say goodbye to bad habits and hello to the real you.

I'll be telling you all about what to expect over the next few weeks and you can sign up at any time.

80 people signed up last year... Will you be joining us this year?

Sign up NOW: bit.ly/DecDetox19

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Annika Spalding

1 day ago

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Annika Spalding

1 day ago

It used to feel like a burden.

To feel everything so intensely. It was overwheming. It was way too much.

I coped by blocking it out and that worked for a long time.

But feeling nothing at all isn't much fun either.

The process of knocking down the walls and letting ancient pain roam through was a turning point in my life. It also didn't happen overnight, or after one counselling session or after journalling.

It was a process.

Self-love is more than surface level acts, but they are a good introduction.

In the beginning, self-love was treating myself to Barry M nail polish and painting my nails.

In the last year, self-love has been bringing the darkness into the light so I can be free of it.

I never used to cry as much as I cry now. It's amazing the tears come out now. I still battle with the worry that people will see that level of vulnerability as weakness, but I cry anyway.

I figure, if the worst thing I can do in life is show a little human emotion, then that is not bad at all.

I'm working away from the (my own) narrative that to feel so much, so intensely, is a curse.

Instead, I want to trust and believe that it is a gift.

Yesterday I gave a talk and was two sentences in when I began to cry. Couldn't hold it in. Couldn't hold it back. Could barely get the words out. Because I meant what I said. Because the message means so much to me.

I didn't get a chance to say, but sisterhood paved the way to where I am now.

Years ago, new in single mumhood and with two children under 4, I felt lost. A friend from nursery invited me around her house and showed me her bathroom. It had pink accessories and it was pretty. She showed me the quotes in her halfway and told me the plans for her kitchen. She said to me; "You will have all of this. It seems hard now but you buy one thing at a time. And you build a home you want to live in. One step at a time. You will get there." And I feel emosh typing that😭 even now and we are still good friends now and she told me that and I held onto it. I've taken a lot of baby steps and when the time came to give back, I gave the same words of wisdom to another Queen who needed to hear it. &That is the power of sisterhood ... See MoreSee Less