… Is the one you have with yourself.
It’s said that a woman who has cut her hair is about to change her life, and that haircut comes after a relationship has ended.
I haven’t cut my hair but I have ended a relationship recently. I’d like to say it was hard and heartbreaking, but it wasn’t and it isn’t. In the beginning I was so grateful someone was nice to me, but towards the end I just wanted to be with myself.
And it’s a slightly daft thing to say, right? Because we are always with ourselves. It’s easy to get so sucked into a relationship that you morph into a completely different person, especially when you have low confidence to begin with. Even in a healthy relationship, old habits resurface and soon you’re becoming a much smaller version of who you were.
I was craving myself. It was like I’d been absent from my body and on return I needed time to feel close to myself again. I wanted to breath and exist in all ways, and really dive into freedom and creativity, without the influence of practial thinkers.
As always, a few orange flags had me reflecting and I realised I had to choose between us and me.
I chose me.
Am I regretful? No, it feels like the right thing. Do I feel I’ve wasted my time? Not at all. It was in the safety of a decent relationship that I could really begin to love myself.
But I missed myself, time spent alone, missed my creativity and feeling motivated, missed feeling like a superstar destined only for greatness, miss feeling the buzz that comes with taking risks. Playing it safe doesn’t sit right with me and living a life without passion is barely living at all.
In the past, I’ve felt so lost after break-ups. I’ve literally spent years and years undoing the damage and rebuilding myself, so it’s refreshing to feel so together now. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just a delayed reaction, if I’m just in survival mode and reality will hit me later on, but I feel so at peace.
With that in mind, and all I have done this last week to strengthen my relationship with myself, I wanted to share some tips with other newly single women. Because this chapter of our lives isn’t about moping on the sofa, it’s about THRIVING in every possible way.
This is how we begin that process:
Create a power playlist. Whether it’s on Youtube, Spotify or iTunes, put together all the songs that make you feel like Beyonce. Songs that feel like anthems and have you dancing in front of your mirror. Lyrics that feel like positive affirmations that you repeat during the day. A playlist that uplifts and empowers you, that revives your sass and gives you life. I made one a while ago but you can listen to it here.
Refresh your personal space. I believe that moving furniture around your home and reorganising rooms can bring in new energy. It’s like a reset button, old with the old and in with the new. Subtle changes make a huge difference and it doesn’t mean you have to spend loads of money at Ikea (although that would be awesome. Hello, National Lottery?) This last week I moved my bedroom furniture around and added accessories to make it feel more like a “me” space. It feels so feminine and sacred now, and definitely perfect for where my head is at right now. Pink and powerful, thank you very much.
Remind yourself of what you love. I had a whole life before I was in a relationship, just like you did. In my relationship, I had brand new experiences which were incredible, but I overindulged in what we did as a couple and forgot all about what I like to do as an individual. I’ve missed this time with myself, you know? So now I’m getting back to what I used to enjoy and what really feeds my soul. You should too. What does it look like? Go out with your friends and stay out late, dance like a wild animal to cheesy music in your underwear, have pajama days, watch whatever you want on Netflix, plan your whole life and go for that Masters. It’s your life boo, do what you want with it.
Surround yourself with people who see you. Once again I give thanks for the friends I have because they know and understand me in a way I can’t even write about. Their level of emotional intelligence and self=-awareness is beyond beautiful, and exactly what I need when I need a boost. They know my history and my way of thinking, and they really see the person that I am. They speak THE MOST amount of life into me. They support my choices. They tell me the truth. And they always remind me how far I’ve come, how proud they are of me and most of all, that I’m loved.
Take your time. You’re growing and evolving at a rate you didn’t expect, I get it. Some days will feel better than others and that’s okay. Don’t force the good feeling if you’re not feeling it. Give yourself space and time to process your thoughts and emotions. Give yourself an outlet, either through a journal, friends or even a therapist. Take time to peel back the layers of who you thought you were and create room for the real you to grow.
It takes time to fall in love.
This is not about lust, a quick fling or a drunken mistake. This is about real love, compassion and appreciation for the woman you are.
Just trust that you’re here 100%, you’re committed and you’re not about to abandon yourself.
They (whoever they are lol) say that the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself, and I agree.
So fall in love with yourself, my lovely. You’ll never have to settle for less again.
With love x